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Point Me to the Miles

Navigating the Path to Great Travel

Archive for the category “Monday Travel Funny”

Monday Travel Funny: Strange Laws in the U.S.

While the following may or may not be true, FieldOfBurch takes no responsibility for any attempt, successful or unsuccessful, to commit such actions.

10.  Indiana – The value of Pi is 3.

9. Tennessee – It is illegal to share your Netflix password.

8. Juneau, Alaska – Flamingo owners cannot let their pets into barbershops.

7. Connecticut – You can be stopped by a police officer for biking over 65 mph.

6. Georgia – No one can carry ice cream in their back pocket on Saturdays.

5. Iowa – One-armed pianists much perform for free

4. Kansas – Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.  Good luck with that.

3. Oklahoma – Whaling is illegal.  Yes, whaling.

2. Florida – If an elephant is tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

1. When two trains come to a crossing, neithter shall go until the other has passed.

 

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Monday Travel Funny: Travel Hacking

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Monday Travel Funny: Unusual Towns

Nearly every state has common town names like Dayton and Columbia, but it’s always fun to travel somewhere with a weird and unusual name.  The following list is certainly not complete, rather it includes the strangest of the strange, in my opinion:

1.  1770, Queensland, Australia – I wonder what year it was founded…

2. Bagdad, Florida, U.S.  – No WMDs here.

Bagdad, Florida

Bagdad, Florida

3.  Batman, Turkey – Nuh na na nuh Turkey.  The main crime is Robbin’.

4. Bob’s Farm, New South Wales – Bob was not very creative.

5. Fifth of Forth, Scotland – Or Third of Second?

6. Flippin, Akansas, U.S. – Home to one of my favorite churches, the Flppin Church of God.

7. George, Washington, U.S. – Home to a very popular concert venue, the Gorge Amphitheater, aka “The Gorge in George.”

George, WA

George, WA

8. Hell, Michigan, U.S. – Hell on earth… check that, Michigan.

9. Truth or Consequences, NM – Truth or Dare anyone? 

10. Come By Chance, Newfoundland – Perhaps I will.

Honorary Mention:

  • Zzyzx, California, U.S..  Pronounced “Zasicks,” this named was name so it would be listed last alphabetically.  It receives only honorary mention, as no one currently resides there.
ZZyzc, CA

ZZyzc, CA

  • Zillah, Washington, U.S.A. –   Not the most unusual of names, but it does have the Church of God, Zillah!
Church of God, Zillah

Church of God, Zillah

Monday Travel Funny: Flight Attendant Musings

I came across some legen—wait for it, dary stories of comments flight attendants have made over the PA system. Some of these may be exaggerated, or even fabricated, but it’s more fun to think otherwise!

Jonathan Cohen/Binghamton University

Here are some highlights:

“We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, please contact a member of the flight crew and they will escort you to the wing of the airplane.”

From a Southwest Airlines employee:”Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.” “We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, please contact a member of the flight crew and they will escort you to the wing of the airplane.”

Heard also on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City:

“The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That was quite a bump and I know what ya’ll are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendants’ fault…it was the asphalt!”

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silent, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement:

“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways.”

Monday Travel Funny: Humorous Things to (Not) Do At Airports

Perhaps next time you travel, you should think twice, maybe thrice.

According to this Independent Traveler article, leaving your chainsaw at home may be a good idea.  Thinking about hopping on the luggage chute to whiz past security?  Rolling your dead uncle onto the plane via wheelchair to save on transportation fees?  Or disguising your pet tiger by hiding it in a suitcase of stuffed animals?  DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!!!

You just might cause yourself a little embarrassment, and provide us a little entertainment along the way!

Monday Travel Funny: Travel Agent Diaries

I discovered, the following story on why Americans should perhaps not be allowed to travel, according to a number of travel agents.  While some may or may not actually be true, I say never let the facts get in the way of a good story!

So here are a few of my favorites:

“A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, ‘Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.'”

Anyone who has ever tried to speak book an award ticket with agent can appreciate these levels level of geographic illiteracy:

“I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with ‘I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. ‘  Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, ‘Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.’  Her response … [Click]”
 

“A woman called and said, ‘I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes.’ I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, ‘Yeah, whatever.'”

And my favorite, for those that know the right credit card can get you ANYWHERE you want to go:

“A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ‘Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.’”

Monday Travel Funny: Items Stolen From Hotels

A rug, an actual living dog, a TV set, a toilet seat and even the whole bathroom sink itself.  What do these items all have in common?  According to the British site telegraph.com, these are all items that have been reported stolen from hotels.  While some folks simply look for any and every deal they can on the price of their hotel room, many travelers seem to just want a five-fingered discount.

One hotel in particular, the recounts a story of an odd case of kleptomania, when the door numbers had been unscrewed from the door at the Franklin Hotel in Knighstbrige:

“We only noticed it (the room numbers) had gone missing when the next guest was found wandering up and down the corridor looking for his room,” general manager Karen Marchant was reported to have said.

Tired of luxurious hotels nickeling and diming you for snacks and beverages and your room?  Just take the whole mini bar, fridge and all!  And it brings taking the bed you sleep on, certainly brings a whole new meaning to a mattress run!

And the “Grand”-est of all thefts seems to have been a piano, as recalled by Collin Bennet, a former general manager of Starwood Hotels:

“As soon as I walked into the lobby of one hotel,” he said, “I immediately realized something was missing – but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It transpired that three people had strolled into reception, dressed in overalls, and had wheeled the grand piano out of the hotel and down the street, never to be seen again.”

Considering it was stolen is probably why you couldn’t put your finger on it!

 

I plan on continuing with the “Monday Travel Funny” series every week, so if you have one you would like to submit, please let me know!

Monday Travel Funny: SMILE!

Here’s a post for you, if you are having a rough and tough Monday:

Having a hard day at the office?  Did your upgrade not clear, or you had to deal with lousy customer service.  Having a hard time meeting minimum spend for your latest credit card churn?  Kids bugging you to death?

There’s a simple five-letter word to help you out:  SMILE!

Your SMILE!” reminder courtesy of John L. Smith and the University of Arkansas.

Monday Travel Funny

The following was sent to me, and I couldn’t help but share it.  It is right up my alley in many ways!

MY TRAVELS
I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you can’t go there alone–you have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I also have never been in Cognito–I hear no one recognizes there.

I have, however, been in Sane.  They don’t have an airport, you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.  I live close so it’s a short drive.

I would like to go to Conclusions–but you have to jump and I’m not too big physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt.  That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I’ve been in flexible.  But only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense!  It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart!  At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

And sometimes I think I am in Vincible, but life shows me I am not.

People keep telling me I’m in Denial, but I’m positive I’ve never been there before!

I have been in Deepdodoo many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.

So far, I haven’t been in continent; but my travel agent says I’ll be going soon!

Here’s to safe travels!

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